JULES! YOU'RE NOT SO GREAT YOURSELF

First of all, write!

That was me two minutes ago reprimanding myself.  I have this tendency of wondering around before writing, exercising or performing certain tasks as a matter of fact. A fly on the wall can be fascinating to me in order to avoid sitting down and working.

I, like many other professionals in the field, like giving it a name. We call it procrastinating, anxiety, adult ADHD, malnutrition, dehydration, premature menopause......... pretty much any BS that comes to mind and sounds as good as "the dog ate my homework".

Anyways, today I will be directing my first short play reading at Chelsea Rep. The Playwright Lab for The Acting studio and that's something to be excited about. I made a conscious decision to always expect great things to happen out of anything. Hope I can pass that on to others.

JULES! YOU'RE NOT SO GREAT YOURSELF

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INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX HALLWAY  - EARLY MORNING

The door to Carmen's apartment is slightly opened. There's an eerie calmness in the hallway. Birds can almost be heard chirping. Edward Grieg: Morning Mood (Flute & Piano) plays on.

Suddenly the elevator door rings open.

Out comes CHRISTIAN (3) a sweet little one with dimples on his cheeks and curly hair. He holds Mom's hand but we are so focused on him that we don't see her face. (Like the adults in the "Muppets", the adults in this story are talking bodies).

Christian smiles as he walks, he and his mom head towards Carmen's apartment. Push the door open and the calmness is over.

INT. CARMEN'S DAYCARE -

We are in a complete different scenario. There is total chaos inside the apartment.

LILY (5) Asian and MARA (4.5) African American sing at the same time on a karaoke machine.

ANTHONY (7), complains nearby that he's hungry while MIMI (9), Carmen's niece, overweight and a bully yells at them to stop.

The sweet, dimpled infused smile on Christian's face turns into an almost devilish grim as he lets go of mom and joins the clan.

INT. CARMEN'S DAYCARE - FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY BUT IT HAS BEEN THREE MINUTES

No longer Flute and Piano sounds but Guns N' Roses - Welcome to The Jungle plays on.

Where it was chaos before now's a war. Christian pulls Lily by the hair as she fights over the microphone with Mara.

Mimi and Anthony hand slap game turns violent as Carmen and Christian's mother try to separate the good, if any, from the bad.

MIMI

He hit me!

ANTHONY

She hit me first!

MIMI

(Charging at him)

I did not!

ANTHONY

Yes you did did!

MIMI

I did not!

CHRISTIAN

Yes you did!

MARA

Shut up!

LILY

You shut up!

MIMI

No, you shut you!

LILY

Why are you telling her to shut up. You shut up!

Meanwhile Carmen and Christian's mom are still trying to separate them but the rumble is growing bigger and the adults are losing the battle.

ANTHONY

I'm going to tell my mom that you hit me.

MIMI

Tell her, I don't care. She's ugly anyways.

ANTHONY

My mom is not ugly. You're mom is!

MIMI

No, you're mom is. She's fat.

MARA

You're fat.

CHRISTIAN

Mimi is ugly.

LILY

You're ugly.

ANTHONY

No he's not. You're ugly.

Anthony pulls Lily by the hair. Carmen carries him to the other room. Leaving Christian's mom alone with the "terrorists".

MARA

(Being nice)

Don't worry Lily I'm going to let you sing with my microphone.

LILY

(Not nice at all)

It's my microphone!

MARA

No it's not!

MIMI

Yes it is. Her mom got it for her.

LILY

And my mom said don't play with Mara she doesn't know how to sing.

MARA

Oh no. You don't know how to sing.

MIMI

None of you know how to sing. You sing bad!

 A bomb was dropped. Mara and Lily can't take the heat and start crying inconsolably.  In comes Carmen.

CARMEN

Mimi, what happened?

MIMI

They're crying.

CARMEN

I know they're crying. What did you do?

MIMI

Nothing. I was just playi.....

Mimi joins the crying chorus as Christian's mom takes advantage of the concerto and sneaks out of the apartment.

A loud bang as the door closes.

INT. CARMEN'S DAYCARE - LUNCH TIME

However she managed it but Carmen was able to tame the "beasts". They are all sitting down, eating, drinking.

Food Groups Are Rockin' Tonight plays and the kids are doing the happy food dance. Christian sits on Carmen's lap as she feeds him.

CHRISTIAN

(Rubbing his belly)

hmmm, jummmmy.

CARMEN

(Feeding Christian)

Here, open. You have to eat it all.

A "gang" member new to scene sits at the table with Lily and Mara. Jules (5) smart, glass wearing waiting to be nerd, playing with his ipad.

MIMI

Jules, turn it off and eat.

Jules ignores her.

LILY

(Being nice)

It is ok Mimi. He's just looking at it.

MARA

You're not his mom.

ANTHONY

Carmen said we could watch cartoons and eat.

LILY

My mom is going to bring ME my tablet and I'M going to watch cartoon.

MARA

Are you going to let me watch cartoons with you?

LILY

Yes, you're my best friend.

There's an ahhh moment. The girls hug and share food.

MIMI

(to Jules)

Put Peppa pig.

ANTHONY

Noooooo, not that.

MARA

The Powerpuff Girls!

CHRISTIAN

(Mouth full)

Mojo jojo

MIMI

Noooooo, that's a stupid show.

Tension in the room. Carmen can feel it coming. This is it?

LILY

(Still being nice)

Oh no. Don't say that. I like it.

Carmen breath off the tension. That was a near asteroid impact on earth.

MARA

I'm bubbles!

LILY

Buttercup!

CHRISTIAN

(Getting a little excited)

Mojo jojo!

ANTHONY

I'm Optimus Primes!

MIMI

That's not the same show.

ANTHONY

I know but I'm Optimus Primes.

MIMI

Whatever. I'm Belle from the Beauty and The Beast.

Jules giggles at this and little by little the others join in. Carmen knows this is the moment of no return. She puts Christian down in order to be ready to jump in to separate someone from something but....

MIMI

(Laughing too)

I'm lying. I don't want to be Belle.

Carmen is relieved once again, that was so close it feels like a miracle that nothing happened.

MIMI(CON'T)

If I was a princess I would be Rapunzel and have my long hair like... (she shows them how long her hair would be like).

LILY

My hair is going to be like Rapunzel. Long and shiny and beautiful.

MARA

And my hair too!

LILY

Yeah but mine is going to be longer but you're not going to be mad right?

Mimi doesn't like this alliance to take her princess away from her. She goes to the table where they are seating and turns Jules tablet off. She laughs.

LILY

Don't do that!

MARA

You're mean.

ANTHONY

And ugly.

MIMI

You're mom is ugly!

Carmen knew it was a matter of time, no surprise here. She stuffs Christian's mouth with another spoon of rice and beans and waits for the moment of truth.

Jules, still ignoring everyone, turns his tablet back on.

ANTHONY

You're ugly!!

MARA

And Jules is still eating his food.

"Is she clueless?" seems to be everyone's expression. Soon the explosion... of laughter.... but....

ANTHONY

Mimi shouldn't eat anymore.

MIMI

(With a Bronx attitude)

Because I'm fat?

MARA & LILY

Yes

ANTHONY

(Knowing better)

No, because if you eat too much Carmen is not going to give you candy.

MIMI(con't)

If he don't turn the tablet off none of us is getting any candy!

"Oh no" a turn of events. Carmen knows this but she has to handle this with extreme care.

CARMEN

None of you will get candy. You're talking too much and not eating.

Huge mistake!

ANTHONY

(to Mimi)

See what you did?

MIMI

Me? Jules's the one not turning his tablet off.

MARA, ANTHONY & LILY

Jules!!

Christian grabs a handful off food and throws it at the tablet. The food falls on Mara's hair and so ends lunch time as she starts to... cry... of course.​

INT. CARMEN'S DAYCARE - STILL LUNCH TIME?

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite loudly plays.

Mara desperately cries as Carmen tries to clean her hair.

Mimi and Jules are fighting for the tablet while Anthony carries Christian to the table.

Lily runs to the karaoke and starts to sign. Things just keep getting better worse.

JULES

(Exasperated)

Stop! You're a bunch of morons! All of you....! You too Carmen!

Hold for the applause.

CARMEN

(Officially fed up for the day but trying very hard...)

Jules! You're not so great yourself.

Christian flies from the table and lands on top of Jules. Then, you guessed it. Everyone else followed.

INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX HALLWAY  - EARLY MORNING

Another day, another dollar.

The door to Carmen's apartment is slightly opened. There's an eerie calmness in the hallway. Birds can almost be heard chirping. Edward Grieg: Morning Mood (Flute & Piano) plays on.

Suddenly the elevator door rings open.

Out comes CHRISTIAN......

CREDITS

Guns N' Roses - Welcome to The Jungle plays

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